Is it Monday? Already? Where have I been?
I’ll tell you where: Asleep. Asleep for three days. Well, not asleep for the entirety of these last three days, but much, much of them. “How is that possible,” you ask, and you would be right for asking.
As it turns out, all you have to do is make the mistake of not having turkey for Thanksgiving! I know, it is a sacrilege… But yes, I was taken for Thanksgiving dinner by some lovely friends. At a lovely restaurant, but not so lovely that I’ll name it.
It turns out that at this particular establishment, one can order things other than the holy bird. Who knew this was possible? Not I. And so I thought to myself, “Jane, you are in a holiday rut; you need to shake things up!” And so I did. Throwing caution to the wind, I ordered the prime rib! And it was delicious.
But it was not turkey.
And on the ride home, (my dear friends had graciously driven so that their dear Jane did not have to drive after dark) I began to feel that I had betrayed this most American of holidays. And I began to have a guilty hankering, or yen, well, really, a strong desire, urging, no, need, to make things right.
And so, after they had dropped me off at my little abode, waving bye-bye to the boys until they were ’round the corner; I hopped, perhaps “hopped” is a misnomer for what I did, but let me have my few delusions, into my darling Citroën 2CV, and off to the grocery store I went!
Once home, arms laden with the makings of holiday amends, I got to work. I mixed, I kneaded, I baked, and roasted! By 6 am the following morning my feast was complete, and I, well, I was a complete mess! But I felt so very redeemed.
After a short nap, I dug hungrily, and thankfully, into my after-holiday repas.
And there, my dears, is where the trouble began.
I ate, fell into a tryptophan haze, woke, ate some more, fell back into my tryp-snooze..woke, ate, snoozed. And there it was, from Friday until just moments ago: wake, eat, tryp, wake, eat, tryp, wake, eat…and on.
And here it is, Monday; the turkey, and all the fixin’s are gone. Yes, in the last three days I’ve eaten an entire 24 pound turkey and its corresponding side dishes! I’ve been a fiend, alternately eating, then sleeping. I’ve wasted an entire weekend in a chemically, and gluttony, induced semi-wasteland. But now, I’m awake. It is a new day. I am a new woman.
And I’ve learned never, never, to eat steak on Thanksgiving.
I hope you all had a safe, happy, and love-filled holiday!